Sinn Fein: Why They Are To Blame for the actions of Loyalists by Arlene Foster

We have got an exclusive unedited excerpt from tomorrows column in the Bel Tel from Arlene Foster.  Be sure to pick up the paper or, if you're a modern idiot who enjoys terrible journalism for a monthly fee, subscribe on their website to read the articles and still get advertised to!

My name is Arlene and i have a story to tell you.

In June of 2020 while we were in a pandemic, a man died.  Honestly, i don't know who he is or what his deal was, only that themmuns loved him.

We'd just told everyone to stay at home and behave themselves.  We put the toasters in the cupboards where they belong and stayed indoors.  Catch it, bin it, kill it. Hands, Face, Space. Sinn Fein, IRA, beardy Gerry.

All of themmuns went to his funeral.  Literally forty hundred thousand people, all out on the streets. Some of those people were shinners who, just days before, said not to gather in large groups.

The hypocrisy of them.  The utter gall! The DUP are many things but we are certainly not hypocrites.

The PSNIRA were in Belfast giving fines out to peaceful protestors, but did they do anything at all about this funeral? I mean, yes..sure, they gathered evidence and passed it all to the Public Prosecution Service who decided not to press any charges but this is clearly the PSNIRA at work, protecting their friends. 

We have carefully explained this in the young DUP weekly meetings to our members who still have no fucking clue what this is all about were absolutely aghast and decided to take this to the streets to peacefully protest.  Translink had the audacity to try and run their normal bus route nearby so they kindly asked the driver to leave.  It is fortunate that they did as the bus inexplicably went on fire.

The PSNIRA then turned up and looked at our brave loyalists with funny eyes and obviously they reacted poorly. Trying to set the police on fire when they look at you is our god given right as loyalists.

So you see, Belfast, Newtownabbey, Carrick and LONDONderry being on fire isn't anything to do with my party stoking tensions. This is clearly all a direct result of the actions of Sinn Fein. If pretending that this is all their fault is wrong, i don't want to be right.

Blaming anyone but the shinners reflects poorly on the poor loyalists and on the honest and hard working members of the DUP who have spent the last few weeks stirring the shit out of the pot to get people angry calling for calm.

 

This is not protest. This is vandalism and attempted murder. These actions do not represent unionism or loyalism. They are an embarrassment to Northern Ireland and only serve to take the focus off the real law breakers in Sinn Fein.
My thoughts are with the bus driver. https://t.co/2JRcOb6s8C

— Arlene Foster #WeWillMeetAgain (@DUPleader) April 7, 2021

Shake Up In Stormont

Peter Robinson today announced a reshuffle in Stormont with several key figures being moved around in an effort to settle the party before the local elections.

The movements in full(ish):

Edwin Poots is being replaced as health minister by Jim Wells.  Poots won't be going to another department, instead he'll have his legs broken by friends of Peter Robinson and sent to A&E by ambulance to see first hand the clusterfuck he's created.  No doubt staff will treat him graciously.

Nelson McCauseland is being replaced by Mervyn Storey as DSD head. Again, he isn't being given another position, but is being sent back to around 68,000,000 years ago to show him a thing or two.  Failing that, he'll be sent to chair the culture, arts and leisure committee, replacing Michelle McIlveen (who's moving to education).

Some other people that have managed not to make such monumental fuck ups that they get destroyed in the press are also moving departments.

Unionist Outrage Over Something Someone Said - Again

Unionists have been outraged by something again.  

A folk band called 'The Druids' apparently made some sectarian statements while performing on stage at the Ardoyne Fleadh festival.

They said something along the lines of British Soldiers in Ireland "should get together with their Orange comrades and go back to England".

Slightly sectarian? Perhaps.  Hate speech? Not really.

Nonetheless, the DUP are up in arms that the police have decided not to press charges.  

The PSNI had to conducted a 'full investigation' and then present their evidence to the Public Prosecution Service in an exercise which wasted absolutely everyones time and no doubt some tax payers money.

Sources say the situation will blow over soon as the DUP are joining forces with other unionist political parties to find something to be outraged about around the third week in September. 

Happy August! Stormont Rings In The New Month With £78M Budget Cuts

Stormont Announces Budget Cuts

Education & Learning, Social Development and Justice are to be the hardest hit in the newest round of budget cuts that are in place because the DUP and the Shinners can't agree on welfare reforms in place across the water.  

Health & Education are unaffected by the budget but here are the effects the cuts will have:

Education and Learning:

Decrease in the availability of courses to acquire skills for further advancement in employment

Decreased funding for R&D throughout the province

Employment rights to be cut - Doing away with the whole 'racial discrimination' thing and just employing your brother.

Social Development:

No further social housing to be built - fuck people, let them just live on the streets. If they can't find a job, it's not our problem...and with the cuts to Education and Learning, finding a job will be even harder now.

Pensions - With the lack of housing, a lot of people will probably die a lot younger anyway so the shortfall in pensions will even itself out.

No more parks - we might continue renaming our old parks after terrorists but other than that...eh, kids can play on the roads.

Justice:

Cuts to legal aid - if people can't afford to represent themselves, that's not our problem. They should get a better job (see Education & Learning)

Thankfully though, they've found £1,000,000 to save the aquarium so it's not all bad news. 

Trouble at Short Strand

Trouble at Short Strand
There was an outbreak of violence at the Short Strand in Belfast last night.

Those with eyes far apart and those with eyes too close together clashed over a rally held by local republican party Sinn Fein to celebrate the closure of a local police station.

The Shinners apparently organised the event and did not think that there would be any problems at what is a huge flashpoint for sectarian violence in the city. Their representative said “The event and the trouble afterwards were not connected” despite the fact that the violence took place in the same place as ‘event’.

On the prod side of things the DUP weighed in calling it “reckless” for an event like this to be organised.

Police, trying to deal with the violence, used plastic bullets to help disperse the crowd – a move that Sinn Fein have called “unjustified”. Most of the public in Northern Ireland think the use of plastic bullets is unjustified, especially when real bullets are readily available.

PSNI representatives have said “The police were caught between two opposing groups determined to attack each other” – Both Sinn Fein and the DUP agreed with each other for the first time in several years in saying “Is this not their job?”

Have Your Say on the Story

“Ah, we’re fucking glad that station is closing and i’ll throw as many bricks at the huns as i fucking want” – Paddy O’Taig

“Those shinners are a disgrace – this was always going to end in violence – I sat outside all day to make sure of it – I’ll throw as many bottles at those fenians as i fucking want” – Billy Paisley

“The police don’t deserve this – our job is to stop traffic for going too fast or not having tax discs on display – not stopping sectarian violence” – Police Constable J Smith

“I honestly don’t give a shit, let them kill each other - it'll be better for it” – The rest of the country