News Roundup Part Two - An Irish man in Damascus, Jim Wells is a dick and Ashers Bakery are giant dicks.

Northern Irish man attends training camp in Syria

We love Derry here at the Norn Iron News.  You know who loves it more though?  Eamon Bradley who recently returned home to Derry after receiving fire arms training in Syria.  

Inexplicably, he could not get the training he needed from anyone in Derry or even Northern Ireland.  Given our propensity toward violence, it's clear he didn't look hard enough.

Bradley claimed he used his training to help fight future Call Of Duty bad guys ISIS while in the middle east but did not use firearms or explosives to do so.  Presumably he went for a speed class and just ran around knifing them.

Incoming health minster Jim Wells starts as he means to go on

It was the announcement we were all waiting for. Poots was out.  Who would replace him....none other than Jim Wells.  He couldn't be worse than Poots, could he??

"If you go to a hard bitten social club in West Belfast tonight, you will see six foot tall men with skin head haircuts, tattoos and earrings, standing out in the rain smoking"

Nothing says 'i'm good for this country' like some epic stereotyping in your first month in a high profile post.

Nice one Jim.

Bakery to be prosecuted for hating the gays/sticking to its principles/ being dicks

The Northern Ireland Equality Commission is to take legal action against Ashers Bakery after it refused to make a cake with pro gay marriage slogans on it.

Long and short of this story is:

The bakery are being dicks

The catholic church has sided with the bakery (at least it's local bishop has).

Nearly everyone else supports the Equality Commissions view of things.

Just bake the fucking cake guys...it was to have Bert and Ernie on it. Focus on that.

And Happy 100th post to us.

Shake Up In Stormont

Peter Robinson today announced a reshuffle in Stormont with several key figures being moved around in an effort to settle the party before the local elections.

The movements in full(ish):

Edwin Poots is being replaced as health minister by Jim Wells.  Poots won't be going to another department, instead he'll have his legs broken by friends of Peter Robinson and sent to A&E by ambulance to see first hand the clusterfuck he's created.  No doubt staff will treat him graciously.

Nelson McCauseland is being replaced by Mervyn Storey as DSD head. Again, he isn't being given another position, but is being sent back to around 68,000,000 years ago to show him a thing or two.  Failing that, he'll be sent to chair the culture, arts and leisure committee, replacing Michelle McIlveen (who's moving to education).

Some other people that have managed not to make such monumental fuck ups that they get destroyed in the press are also moving departments.