News Round Up

Local news for Friday 14/08/09

60 Pigeons Killed In Fire (this ones real, check it out)

60 Pigeons have been cruelly murdered during a blaze in on the outskirts of Belfast.

A spokesperson for the PSNI said "This incident is being treated as arson - it is believed that the perpetrators thought that the 'pigeon fanciers club' was somewhere where untoward deviant acts were performed on the birds". Local PETA members have been called in for questioning.

On a lighter note, the clean up bill for the council has been significantly reduced as by the time fire-fighters arrived on scene, the local Chinese restaurant had removed all charred pigeon corpses for "disposal".

U2 to Break Wembley Attendance Record

Stupidly named Irish rock band, U2 are set to break yet another record.

The current record for "most morons in the same place" is held by Madonna and her fans at a concert in Wembley in 2008 where nearly 75,000 idiots paid to see her 'perform'.

U2 are expected to pull in around 100,000 idiotic simpletons.

Assuming £50/ticket U2 can expect to make around £5million from the concert - not a penny of which will be sent to the starving children of Africa that lead singer, and general bastardly hypocrite, Bono is constantly harping on about.

In summary - U2 haven't written a good song for over ten years and anyone who helps to line their stupid gold lined pockets is a moron.

Weather update - Just to be smug, since the met office has millions of pounds and cool equipment and i am a man behind a computer in his living room - They said today would be overcast, i said it would piss from the heavens.

I was right.

Hoo-rah