72% of Northern Irish Men May Be Paedophiles

Men across Northern Ireland have been contemplating whether or not to turn themselves into the local police after discovering the age of the current Miss Northern Ireland. Several local news broadcasts today reported that Miss Northern Ireland got 4 A grades in her AS-Level exams, making her the tender age of 17.
Questions have been raised as to whether allowing a 17 year old to compete in the Miss World pageant is immoral but more questions are being raised as to the psychological well being of our nations men who haven’t been this confused since Natalie Portman starred in Leon, at the age of 14