Google Begin Removing Links From Search Results Under "Right To Be Forgotten" Laws

Google have begun the process of removing links to stories about people under the new EU "Right To Be Forgotten" law.  All you do is fill in a form and request it.

Northern Irish news stories are one of the first to be hit by this.

Several articles about a story from 2001 about brothers Kenneth and Alan Patterson being convicted for bomb making have been removed from the search giants web results.  

It appears as if someone who was implicated but not convicted has made the request, which is fair enough from their point of view, however it is important to remember that Kenneth and Alan Patterson were convicted. For trying to kill people.

No doubt the Streisand effect will be in full force as it takes very little detective work to find who has made the request (which Google will not release and i won't post here).

You do not have to give any reason to be 'forgotten' and have any offending links removed, which is concerning when people have generally done bad things and Googling them is a good way to find this out.

We all know nothing is every truly 'forgotten' on the internet.  Just because it's not on Google, doesn't mean it's not there.

Celebrity Big Brother Kicks Off!

In the yearly event that no one actually cares about anymore, the 2014 series of Big Brother has started on channel 4 Channel 5

Kellie Maloney

Well this is a hell of a place to start.  Boxing promoter (formerly Frank Maloney) who is currently undergoing gender reassignment surgery.  He's been in the headlines recently as he's gone public with his new...lifestyle? Gender? I am unsure of the preferred nomenclature.  The press have for the most part been applauding him for this decision but somehow forgetting comments he made in 2004 while campaigning for UKIP - "I don't want to campaign around gays, i don't think they do a lot for society....I'm not homophobic but in public lets live a proper moral life - i think that's important.  I'm more for traditional family values and family life"

Nothing is more traditional than a transgender parent.  Way to practice what you preach there Kellie and good luck.

Lauren Goodger

I have no idea who this is.  A cursory google seems to suggest she's famous for being on reality tv and nothing else.  I'm not entirely sure that counts as fame?

Gary Busey

Holy shit, someone people might recognise.  Actually famous for his film work and general madness but given he has appeared in Lethal Weapon, Under Siege and Point Break, his appearance may show his career is winding down somewhat.  

That Old Guy Who Plays The Old Guy In American Sit-Coms

That Old Guy Who Plays The Old Guy In American Sit-Coms is no doubt a hot favourite to win this year.

Claire King

She used to be on Emmerdale, she was most recently on Pointless.

Angelique 'Frenchy' Morgan

She's never been seen on UK TV before (except for some nonsense on VH1) but apparenly she's big in France (which is like totally the new 'big in Japan').

Tornado

Dude's a gladiator, he probably has a real name but did we ever know the real name of Wolf? No, we didn't. Because we didn't need to. WOLF POWER.

Edele off of that girl band from back then B*witched

You know the one. No, not her, you're thinking of her twin sister.  No, still not right, that's her brother, the one who's in Boyzone who may or may not still be a thing.  Just look at the picture!

White Dee

'Star' of 'Benefits Street', White Dee is the perfect example of the welfare state in action.

Audley Harrison

The second actual famous person with some sort of measurable talent in this years CBB.

There were other people, but every time i look one of these people up, a little part of my soul dies. So here are their names

James Jordan - no idea why he's famous

George Gibley - from Channel 4's 'Googlebox'

Stephanie Pratt - blah blah reality tv star

Ricci someone

So who will win this years exciting Celebrity Big Brother.

Really don't care. Stick a fiver on the boxing dude/dudette for me.

Northern Ireland Ambulance Service Falling Apart

This past week has seen our Emergency Services in the spotlight as N.I.A.S has come under fire for generally being a bit shitty.

Unison, the biggest (and most conceited) union for the service said their members voted unanimously 'no confidence' in the NIAS board.  

They released a statement yesterday and while they raise several very valid points (not enough staff, cancelled leave, delays in hospitals and insufficient rest periods), there were a couple of things that stood out for me. Directly from the Unison Briefing:

UNISON currently represents approximately 750 ambulance staff across Northern Ireland.  UNISON Shop Stewards and staff representatives from across the province voted unanimously that they no longer had confidence in the NIAS Trust Board

So they didn't actually poll their members..not the best no confidence vote out there.

UNISON is confident that the Northern Ireland public holds their ambulance staff in the highest regard. Not just for the work they do presently, but for the sacrifice, loyalty and dedication they demonstrated throughout “the Troubles”.  The public will recognize these comments for what they were, an attempt to blame the shortcomings of management on the staff

You know when American right wing news stations refer to 9/11 as a way to get public sympathy? It's kind of horrifying really, to use memories of a national tragedy that (or in the case of our little island, tragedies) to soften up the public.  This is what Unison did here, they 9/11'd us with this press release.

Yesterday some guy from Unison (who from what i could gather isn't actually ambulance service personnel as he didn't seem to know much about it) and the Chief Exec of NIAS were on the radio with locally famous/hated hate monger & stirrer of pots, Steven Nolan.  Neither of them came out of it well.

So what will happen to our precious service? Hopefully it will be ok. I've no doubt that the public, as i do, support the staff who clearly do a difficult job.  NIAS managers have made some regrettable comments in the media but the responses we've been hearing from the staff are beginning to sound equally as petty.  Lets hope the situation is sorted soon before someone suffers the consequences of this collective clusterfuck. 

Manchester United Ban Tablets, Large Smartphones Because Terrorism

English football club Manchester United today announced that they would be banning supporters from bringing laptops, tablets and large screen mobiles into the 'Theater Of Dreams' that is Old Trafford citing 'security concerns'.

'Most' smartphones will be allowed into the ground, as the restriction only applies to a phone with size of more than 5.9".

That won't restrict too many people at all, will it?

As long as you don't have:

Sony Experia Z Ultra

Samsung Galaxy Mega

Any higher end Huawei

Nokia Lumia 1520/1320

LG G Flex

There are way more...but as long as you don't have one of the above (or many other phones made by HTC, Samsung, Nokia or Sony) you'll be fine.

Manchester United have stated that it would be 'impractical' to make each owner power up their device to ensure it's genuine (as happens in airports) so who knows what will happen. You get turned away from the game or they take your mobile and feed it to Wayne Rooney are the two most likely options.

Robin WIlliams, RIP

Rest In Piece, you magnificently funny bastard.

Lauren Bacall has also passed, a multi award winning actress who will be the Farrah Fawcett to Robin's Michael Jackson.

DVANI Swap To Swansea A Roaring Success says DVA

The DVA in Swansea has reported a seamless shift to their systems following the closure of the Northern Irish office.

In the real world where things that are real actually happen, the process has been a bit of a clusterfuck all round.  People haven't been able to tax their cars and the differences in our MOT systems (Mainland UK - MOT after 3 years, NI - 4 years) mean that cars bought on the mainland and sold over here 3 years later cannot be driven as one computer says the car needs an MOT, the other one says it doesn't need an MOT but rest assured, it will be the one that insists you need the test that is used and your car will be nicely cubed for you.

The switch to Swansea was seen as a cost saving measure but has just caused a total fucking disaster.

The backlog is increasing each day so if your car tax is due at the end of the month, you better make damn sure you've sent all the forms off at the start (and not going to the post office on the 30th like you normally do) as you're not allowed to drive even though it's not your fault.

Thanks, new DVA.

Deceased Israeli President's Plaque Removed

The blue Plaque for former Israeli President Chaim Herzog has been taken down off the home where he was born in Cliftonpark Avenue.

The property has been attacked several times in recent weeks as...retaliation over Israeli actions in Gaza? I guess. I mean Chaim Herzog is totally to blame for current violence, obviously.  Leaving office in 1993 and just flat out dying in '97 clearly show he had something to hide and committed terrible crimes in office (he didn't do anything too awful, but one or two less than admirable events of note).

With levels of antisemitism in Belfast reaching alarmingly new highs, this sort of behavior is just what we need to help smooth things over with our rapidly dwindling Jewish community.

Find out more in our upcoming piece - Belfast: A City For All

Palestine/Irael Manage Three Days Without Killing Each Other

Palestine & Israel managed a whole three days without murdering civilians this week before finally breaking their ceasefire at 6am (UK time) this morning.

Hamas kicked off the shit by firing at least 30 rockets into Israel injuring one civilian and a soldier.

Israel then hit back with rockets, tank bombardment and gun boats.

Both sides are pretty much just blowing the shit out of each other at the moment however in the past month, 1700 Palestinians (1300 civillians) and 67 Israelis (3 civillians) have lost their lives.

It's worth nearly 2000 lives for something that won't be settled any time soon.  If world history has taught us anything, it's that violence is the solution to more or less every problem.

LESBIANS ARE STEALING OUR SPERM

According to a front page headline in this weekend's Daily Mail, there is shock and outrage as the NHS has decided to fund sperm banks for lesbians that will be paid for by you the tax payer (emphasis on you by the Daily Mail).  

The mail has got interesting quotes from a variety of critics of the scheme, all of which more or less say "children should not be brought into the world without a father".

Of course the vast majority of us know people who didn't grow up with a father and they turned out just fine but it is apparently sick and wrong and outrageous and sick and wrong according to the paper.  

The would be parents can select the attributes of their sperm donor, such as height, hair colour and even hobbies.  Some have likened this to eugenics however this process has been in practice for some time in other parts of the world and has never been raised as an issue.  Is this not what straight women do when they select their partner in the first place?

Bishop Michael Nazir-Ali has said that "designer babies are a disaster for society".  I'm not going to write out his entire opinion piece and I will absolutely not link to the Daily Mail website (google it if you must) but he did say the following:

"The result of 'father hunger' can be seen in educational achievement and on our streets where it contributes to delinquency".

So, and I apologise if I am misunderstanding this, children without fathers (and therefore children of lesbian couples and single mothers) grow up stupid and end up being criminals.  Though I may be reading into it too much.

So lets be outraged at the thought that children may grow up with either only one, or two same sex loving parents. 

Russia Censors The Internet

Russia has enacted a new 'Information Security Law' which more or less prevents any sort of freedom of expression coming out of Russian Websites.  In a move that China would be proud of, any bloggers with more than 3,000 page views a day must register with the mass media regulator 'Roskomnadzor' and conform to the regulations that larger Russian News outlets already conform to.

These rules include:

The only images allowed of Vladimir Putin must have him shirtless and preferably with an animal of some kind

No references to communism whatsoever

Decrying all video games that have Russians as the bad guys as 'western propaganda'

No references to 'The Hunt For Red October' or Sean Connery

Discussion of the Ukraine/Crimea issue to emphasise that they wanted to join Russia and that all military action was done of their own accord.  Also, Russia has no idea where they got all those weapons from.

Constant reminders that the only reason NASA have a space program is because Russia has been flying them up there on Soyuz.

The new regulations have been described as 'Draconian' by everyone else.  It takes away any anonymity that bloggers were once afforded and as all data must be stored on Russian servers, the government has full access to the identities of all bloggers.  

Earlier in 2014, a law was passed to allow the Russian government to block any website it wished without any explanation whatsoever.  They blocked several blogs of prominent critics of the government saying they were being used to help organise illegal protests (at least they gave a reason i guess).  

For a country that is so pissed off at the freedom the internet provides, at least they're still providing shelter to Edward Snowden i suppose.

In the interests of science, we ran this article through the Russian Government servers and this is what popped out the other end:

RUSSIA ANNOUNCES NEW LEGISLATION TO IMPROVE THE INTERNET

Vladimir Putin announced today that we will be allowing our bloggers to publish their information through Russian Government servers.  This will greatly improve the quality of our output so the rest of the world can see Russia as the intellectual powerhouse that it is.

This is on the back of our previous law that allows us to block any website we wish.  This was enacted to protect our innocent Russian children from the various bad things that regularly happen throughout the world.

Meanwhile, American Ambassador Edward Snowden continues to live in peace in the Kremlin after defecting from the United States. 

Happy August! Stormont Rings In The New Month With £78M Budget Cuts

Stormont Announces Budget Cuts

Education & Learning, Social Development and Justice are to be the hardest hit in the newest round of budget cuts that are in place because the DUP and the Shinners can't agree on welfare reforms in place across the water.  

Health & Education are unaffected by the budget but here are the effects the cuts will have:

Education and Learning:

Decrease in the availability of courses to acquire skills for further advancement in employment

Decreased funding for R&D throughout the province

Employment rights to be cut - Doing away with the whole 'racial discrimination' thing and just employing your brother.

Social Development:

No further social housing to be built - fuck people, let them just live on the streets. If they can't find a job, it's not our problem...and with the cuts to Education and Learning, finding a job will be even harder now.

Pensions - With the lack of housing, a lot of people will probably die a lot younger anyway so the shortfall in pensions will even itself out.

No more parks - we might continue renaming our old parks after terrorists but other than that...eh, kids can play on the roads.

Justice:

Cuts to legal aid - if people can't afford to represent themselves, that's not our problem. They should get a better job (see Education & Learning)

Thankfully though, they've found £1,000,000 to save the aquarium so it's not all bad news.