Celebrity Big Brother Kicks Off!

In the yearly event that no one actually cares about anymore, the 2014 series of Big Brother has started on channel 4 Channel 5

Kellie Maloney

Well this is a hell of a place to start.  Boxing promoter (formerly Frank Maloney) who is currently undergoing gender reassignment surgery.  He's been in the headlines recently as he's gone public with his new...lifestyle? Gender? I am unsure of the preferred nomenclature.  The press have for the most part been applauding him for this decision but somehow forgetting comments he made in 2004 while campaigning for UKIP - "I don't want to campaign around gays, i don't think they do a lot for society....I'm not homophobic but in public lets live a proper moral life - i think that's important.  I'm more for traditional family values and family life"

Nothing is more traditional than a transgender parent.  Way to practice what you preach there Kellie and good luck.

Lauren Goodger

I have no idea who this is.  A cursory google seems to suggest she's famous for being on reality tv and nothing else.  I'm not entirely sure that counts as fame?

Gary Busey

Holy shit, someone people might recognise.  Actually famous for his film work and general madness but given he has appeared in Lethal Weapon, Under Siege and Point Break, his appearance may show his career is winding down somewhat.  

That Old Guy Who Plays The Old Guy In American Sit-Coms

That Old Guy Who Plays The Old Guy In American Sit-Coms is no doubt a hot favourite to win this year.

Claire King

She used to be on Emmerdale, she was most recently on Pointless.

Angelique 'Frenchy' Morgan

She's never been seen on UK TV before (except for some nonsense on VH1) but apparenly she's big in France (which is like totally the new 'big in Japan').

Tornado

Dude's a gladiator, he probably has a real name but did we ever know the real name of Wolf? No, we didn't. Because we didn't need to. WOLF POWER.

Edele off of that girl band from back then B*witched

You know the one. No, not her, you're thinking of her twin sister.  No, still not right, that's her brother, the one who's in Boyzone who may or may not still be a thing.  Just look at the picture!

White Dee

'Star' of 'Benefits Street', White Dee is the perfect example of the welfare state in action.

Audley Harrison

The second actual famous person with some sort of measurable talent in this years CBB.

There were other people, but every time i look one of these people up, a little part of my soul dies. So here are their names

James Jordan - no idea why he's famous

George Gibley - from Channel 4's 'Googlebox'

Stephanie Pratt - blah blah reality tv star

Ricci someone

So who will win this years exciting Celebrity Big Brother.

Really don't care. Stick a fiver on the boxing dude/dudette for me.