British Government regretting the whole "Northern Ireland" thing.

The British Government have finally admitted that they may have made a mistake in the whole "Northern Ireland" thing.

Theresa May made a full statement to the commons which we have transcribed below

"I think it's time to finally admit that a mistake was made. Our ancestors invaded Ireland in the 1200s and we regret that. In 1921 we chose to partition the North from the South and it is a decision we deeply regret now. We are sorry to the people in England who wanted to leave the EU that Northern Ireland is really screwing the whole thing up. We bought their Westminster representatives but despite that, we face resistance at every turn for our plans to completely destroy the British Economy.
We are sorry and we humbly request that Ireland take them back. Please"

We are still waiting on a statement from Irish PM Leo Varadkar but early reports suggest that his statement will largely consist of snickering and gestures. 🖕

It's Marching Season (corrected)

Sorry.
That last post was made before I read the news.

Buses were on fire, bonfires were the size of skyscrapers so big that Dwayne Johnson couldn't deal with them and Bogside is like Kosovo in the 90s.

Business as usual folks, congrats! We did it!

Northern Ireland once again lives up to expectations by making us all look like cunts to the rest of the world ♥

It's Marching Season!

It's Marching Season and everything has gone off without a hitch.

East Belfast, Newtownards and Derry have been the most peaceful they've been in years.

Well done everyone!

While We've Been Away Part 4: Abortions For Everyone!

You heard it. Now the entire of the United Kingdom and Ireland allow women to get abortions... Ish

In a bold move for women's rights everywhere, the suspiciously progressive Irish people voted in yet another referendum to allow women to get abortions.

Historically, Ireland has been ruled by the pope from his golden throne on Grafton Street with a golden fist but the people have risen up and decided that the church shouldn't really have a say in Politics.

Obviously, Northern Ireland is the hold out. Despite a female first minister, women's rights are non existent.
The Roman Catholic Church needs another country to oppress so perhaps it's time for a Vatican/DUP team up!

While We've Been Away Part 3: Gay Marriage in the ROI

In an absolutely shocking turn of events, they had a referendum in the south to allow gay marriage. Obviously we all assumed that they'd manage to get enough write in votes to deport the gay people back to Holland or some other gay country but no.
People turned out en mass and now everyone can get married!
Men and women, men and men, women and women. And of course man can now marry beast as that was one of the stern warnings given to us by God pre referendum.

Whats next Ireland, abortions for everyone??

While We've Been Away Part 2: Donald Trump

So there was an election in 2016 in America and Clinton was looking good until the whole email thing just days before the election.
Then
Unimaginably
Donald Trump won.

You could see it on his face that morning. The "oh dear god, what have I done" face.

And now we are basically living in the film "Idiocracy" except without Terry Crews being in charge.

The only silver lining is that American late night TV is pretty fantastic right now.

But what the fuck America. You screwed the fucking pooch on this one.

While We've Been Away Part 1: Brexit

So the big ones.
While we have been away, the UK overwhelmingly voted to leave the European Union

*does research*

While we were away, the UK narrowly voted to leave the EU with 51.9%  voting to leave and the rest voting to remain.
Despite the close vote, all Four home countries expressed their will to leave the EU.

*more research*

The English and the Welsh voted to leave the EU while Scotland and Northern Ireland voted to remain.
Of course, for some reason if some wanted to leave, we all have to leave but I guess at least we'll be able to do some good with those sweet EU billions we currently pay out like plow it into our NHS.

*research intensifies*

Oh for fucks sake.

VOTERS, WHAT DID YOU DO???

Are we back? Maybe!

So I sort of unofficially retired this blog in 2014 because, well, life got in the way and I was happy. And I can't write stupid angry rants when im happy.

As of 2018 I am still happy but Northern Irish Politics has got so bad that I am fucking furious about the world again so I think we're back for a bit.

When I knocked this on the head, there were a decent number of readers still, from surprisingly all over the world, and I know most of you probably don't check Blogger any more and that's ok. I just need somewhere to shout, even if it is just me screaming into the void.

If you do happen to get the little ding in your inbox that I've posted again, welcome back.