Thursday, 23 October 2014

Paying For Sex Made Illegal In Northern Ireland, Men Everywhere Disappointed To Find Out It Wasn't Before.


The Northern Ireland Assembly has finally passed a law making it illegal for people to pay for sex in Northern Ireland.  Up until this week it was perfectly legal to pay for sex by either picking up a prostitute on the road side or going to one of the many brothels dotted throughout the country.  Arguments against the proposal have centred around how the law will force prostitution underground as it was so mainstream and public before.  

We took to the streets of Belfast and asked the question; "What do you think about the law just passed that will make paying for sex illegal?" and we got the following responses.

"It's legal now???"

So, you have a short window before this becomes law to get yourself as many prostitutes as you want without fear of legal repercussions. Go to town, they hang out around Alfred Street and near the cinema.

Monday, 13 October 2014

Bumper October Update! In Summary: We Have No Money!

The Norn Iron News would like to apologise for the lack of posting. We've not been well.
So here's what we've missed so far in October:

Stormont On The Verge Of Going Into The Red - 02/10/2014

The Northern Ireland Executive is due to go into the red this year as they still haven't resolved the dead lock over welfare reform that's cost Stormont over £90m in fines to date.

It's the shinners arguing against the reforms which admittedly will cause hardship for those on benefits in Northern Ireland.  The destruction of the public services for everyone has less impact according to Sinn Fein MLA Dairmaid O'Fictional. Will this crisis be solved? Ministers will be meeting shortly to discuss it but if Stormonts track record is anything to go by, the answer will be a resounding no.

Tourism? Where we're going, we don't need tourism. 04/10/2014

An aerial view of Belfast in 20 years time if the cuts continue as they are

As yet more budgets are slashed, the Tourism Events Fund which, exactly as the name suggests, funds things that provide boosts to tourism, pulls funding for several key events in Northern Ireland. The following events are in danger of not going ahead after funding was cut:

-Cathedral Quarter Arts Festival
-Culture Night Belfast
-North West 200
- Ulster Grand Prix
- The Mill Cup
- The Festival Of Fools
- The Ulster Rally
- The International Airshow

There are many many other events that we haven't listed because it's all getting a bit depressing.  The overall amount of funding given out is approximately £2.4 million per year.  The simple fact that these events combined bring significantly more to the economy doesn't seem to be relevant.  Anything that was a fun day out for the family in NI is now more or less gone. Belfast will be a ghost town and the only exciting things to happen will be our yearly 'Orange Fest' which usually results in the city being on fire.

I'm sure you'll all be delighted to know that several high profile golf tournaments will go ahead as planned. Thank god for that. Maybe we won't all be bored afterall.


Hurricane Fintan hits Northern Ireland 05/10/2014

The weather got really bad. It was super rainy and windy and some people had power cuts. It was awful so it was.