MTV EMA BELFAST AWARD WINNERS LEAKED!!

Image we used before, too lazy to find a new one

The Norn Iron News can exclusively reveal tonight's MTV EMA award winners, found in a bin outside Belfast's Odyssey Arena.

Best Song:
Nominee's:
Adele - Rolling In The Deep
Bruno Mars - Grenade
Jennifer Lopez Feat Pitbull - On The Floor
Katy Perry - Firework
Lady Gaga - Born This Way

Winner - Frederic Chopin - Nocturn No 2 in Eflat Major


Best Live Act:
Nominee's
Coldplay
Foo Fighters
Katy Perry
Lady Gaga
Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Winner - The Wurzels


Artist Most Likely To Come Out Of The Closet In The Next Twelve Months
Nominee's:
Justin Bieber

Winner -  Justin Bieber

Worst Musical Performance By An Actor That Has No Place Doing Music
Nominee's
Bruce Willis
Keanu Reeves
Russel Crow
Steven Segal
Juliette Lewis

Winner - Juliette Lewis for her terrible band - Juliette & The Licks**
**While not the worst, probably the most famous




The Britney Spears Award for Best Celebrity Meltdown Of The Last Twelve Months


WINNING - Charlie Sheen


The Kurt Cobain Lifetime Achievement Award For The Commercialization & Manufacture Of Music:
Simon Cowell
Has ruined music, the dick






We have also received a copy of the MC's closing speech:

It's been such a great night here in Belfast, Ireland.  Thank you so much for putting on this wonderful evening.  When we were preparing to come over, we were expecting things to be on fire, bomb threats and having to drive around in cars like the pope mobile.  We're surprised & delighted that only two of these things have happened.
Thank you Belfast, You have truly shown us what you Irish say when you mean "craic" and all of the musicians here tonight are grateful its so damn cheap.


We'll be back soon to report on the fall out!

Since We've Been Away

So, since we've been away, news has been happening.

Global Economic Meltdown

The World Economy has more or less completely collapsed.  But how does this effect Northern Ireland i hear the hundred or so people that subscribe to this blog & will be shocked to see the update ask.
Well, this editor has noticed the following changes:

• I have slightly less money
• The price of stuff has increased
• There are more people playing the accordion on Ann Street in the city center
• More Titanic shit has been opened to lure in visitors  & their pennies
• They're closing all the hospitals in the country and letting us just fend for ourselves
• Once a month, Belfast Zoo is donating one of their meatier animals to a poor family
• Footballers wages are being capped at a paltry 200k/week 

It was nice to see that even the street urchins were affected and managed (other than a few rough nights) to keep relatively quiet over the summer due to the increasing cost of balaclavas.  

Our advice? Just pretend everything is ok and it will go away eventually.

Belfast Gets the MTV European Music Awards

They said it would never happen, they said it should never happen, but a major world wide event is happening in fair Belfast town.

No one is entirely sure who sucked off who, but Belfast will be hosting the MTV EMA's this November. 

If it goes off without being an absolute disaster, it'll be the best thing to happen to Belfast since that time no one was blown up or shot at.

Conservatives Win UK General Election

That is all

Other less important stories

A few quick hits

• The Lagan Valley & Belfast City Hospital A&E departments have been closed in an effort to cut costs.  The general plan is people will either give up or bleed to death due to the huge wait times that will happen in the other A&E departments.
• Some twat from Cookstown was on the apprentice.  A nation cringes as we hear our own god awful accent on tv.
• The Republic Of Ireland's economy collapses, they revert back to ye olde currency of the potato (thanks to advances in modern technology, smaller denominations other than the basic 'big/small potato, are available - the Chip, the French Fry and the Crisp).
• Some shit about the Titanic.
• HBO TV Series Game Of Thrones is filmed in the back water of Saintfield, still no one knows where it is.
• There was probably some fighting between Protestants & Catholics over something or other.
• There were probably some bombs
• Another 3 people escaped from the "City" of Derry, 2 of them were returned but one is still on the lamb, believed to be armed but probably not very dangerous. To be honest, he's probably accidentally shot himself by now.

That's everything that's happened in the last 12 months. Nothing else of note, and don't believe any other news sources that tell you otherwise.

Good God, it's back!

In a move that nobody asked for, the Norn Iron Editor has come out of retirement for the third time.
Mainly due to having too much time on our collective hands, the site will be updated once more
with our talk of the news in Northern Ireland.

No doubt we'll get bored and disappear again in a few months.