BREAKING - LOCKDOWN AT MAGHABERRY PRISON

Maghaberry Prison in Northern Ireland is in Lockdown after traces of Semtex were found in the prison gym.
Over 150 PSNI Officers and Army personnel have been drated in to search the prison.
Prisoners have been locked in their cells since Wednesday night and officials fear for the worst when they finally release them from their cells on Monday morning - Prisoners have threatened riots and will strike from their usual daily routines of rock breaking and making number plates.

The support team pulled in to help with locating any threats will begin the inmates 'deep cavity' searches at dinner time on Saturday and hope that at the very least, the intrusion and potential 'trauma' will slow the prisoners down on Monday morning when the cell doors open.

UK Police Draw Up 93 Page Bike Riding Manual

UK Police authories have drawn up a 93 page manual on riding a bicycle for officers.
Not even motorcycles - PUSH BIKES
fuck me
i dont think i even need to write nething
fucking idiots

National - Six teenagers avoid serious injury after drinking ethanol

Six teenagers in England somehow avoided serious injury after drinking ethanol stolen from school in an effort to get drunk.

They have said they copied the storyline from BBC drama 'Waterloo Road'.  The Daily Mail brigade are up in arms about how TV is influencing our youth even though the program showed school children nearly dying as a result.

Did these teenagers think they would be ok? Did they stop watching the program as soon as the on screen kids got drunk in minutes?
What the fuck is wrong with people??

Big Freeze Hits the North Coast

Weather Update -
Temperatures as low as -2 Celsius have hit the City of Derry this week.
All roads out of the city have been closed by the freezing conditions.

The met office have said "expect conditions to worsen over the coming weeks, heaving rain, strong winds and more ice are forcast.  On the plus side it gives the PSNI a break from policing the roads to stop them getting out"

Calum Best - 'My dad punched me'

Calum Best, who is apparently a relative of famous Northern Irish drunk and little known footballer George Best, has spoken candidly of his experiences with his father.

"My dad punched me in a drunken rage, "your not mine" he said".  Why this is seen as a shock is not clear,  most people would punch the spoilt and vain little bastard without having to consume alcolhol.

Calum has made a film about his life with father George called 'Brought up by the booze' and hopes that "children of alcoholic parents can find comfort" in his work. 

Actual children of alcoholic parents couldn't give a shit about Calum Best & his film as being punched in the face by your drunken father is usually one of the least upsetting events that can be caused by an alcoholic parent.

So is this film a cynical ploy to get his face in the papers again or is it a genuine heartfelt tribute to his father?
Only the public can decide.


Editors note - I think its the former, but regardless of his reasons behind it - it doesn't make him any less of a first class cun....

Children in the Republic of Ireland Happier than British Counterparts

A new report published this week has revealed that children in the Republic of Ireland are happier and fitter than their British counterparts.
Based on factors such as school life, exercise and happiness at home, the paddies have a better quality of life it would seem.

The report announced "They spend less time on computers" - This fact seems superfluous as it is well known that the Republic of Ireland seems like 1891 compared to the rest of the world and only having one 'Computer' in the whole country (a replica of the famous 'difference engine' created by Charles Babbage). If you were to talk about 'facebook' and 'xbox' they'd have no idea what you were talking about.  The closest thing they have to social networking in the ROI is a huge network of carrier pigeons. 
The high levels of fitness can be attributed to a diet consisting more or less of potatoes and working from as young as the age of 5 in the potato business.
Irish representatives have so far not answered our emails for comment.